Ok… Why are we here?
Great question, and no, unfortunately, I’m not trying to answer the existential question of the meaning of life or anything like that. I mean literally.
This is the first post of a brand-new blog, so basically who am I? and why am I doing this?
Ok, So my name is Jerome, and I'm 32, currently live alone, and basically the year of all years, in recent memory, 2020, showed me a few things. But among all else, it showed me that for me things need to change.
Yeah, I know, that sounds massively overdramatic, but I guess I better give a bit more background information.
What brought this about?
So as I sit here in the final throngs of 2020 a few things have been on my mind of late. Searches on google have shown I'm not alone in recognising the reduction in meaningful friendships as we get older, and honestly, I don’t think I had many to start with anyway. But it's bigger than that.
I find myself in a position, after 2020 where the world seemed to stop for many people. Having lost the ability to pursue my hobbies and passions that had kept me going through the tougher times. People I thought were in my close-knit group of friends, showed otherwise and I have had a lot of time by myself to contemplate where I am. And honestly, I don’t like it.
Events over the last few years and even as much as a decade have gradually taken their toll and I’m not sure I recognise the person that I am anymore.
Now I don’t say that to be dramatic or to garner sympathy. Right now, I see that 2020 has been a blessing allowing me to re-evaluate what I’m doing and where I’m going. Almost like hitting a reset switch.
Why the reset?
So I guess it’s time to be brutally honest with myself and put in writing, what it is that I don’t like.
Whilst for the following list I may not be extreme in any category, here we go.
In the last few years, I’ve put on weight, that’s got to go.
Probably the reason for the above, I’ve also found myself getting less and less active. There was once a point I would be dancing 3 times a week and participating in other sport alongside too, but now…..
I barely leave the house. Ok, so 2020 was a unique year. But further introspection showed that this has gradually been getting a problem more and more. I already worked from home for a small company, I would go out and see family, and performed with my band. With social distancing and Pubs/bars and music venues shut, that was gone in 2020.
Routine has all but gone. As above, working from home and not going out, do wonders for procrastination. Another thing I need to change.
I only was going out to drink, with so-called friends who as already alluded to did not continue a friendship outside of the Pubs/clubs.
My friendship group was based on the wrong elements. As 2020 went on and I tried to turn to people to maintain some sense of self, or sanity, I was often greeted with silence. Now yes everyone struggled this year, but when we get to 4-5 months of the same behaviour when so-called friends know you live alone, maybe something is amiss. Oh, and for clarity… I’m not saying they are bad people; it’s just our paths don’t really intertwine.
What do I even do anymore? Having been stripped of the performing side of my life this year, I've spent the year basically sitting at home playing video games, drinking rum, and working. There’s got to be more to my existence than that.
But in addition to the above, there is this overriding element that I’m not sure who I really am anymore. I’m sure this is something that goes through many people’s minds at some point, especially transitional periods. I look back and see some awesome things that I’ve been part of in the past and then look more recently and wonder what’s changed. I don’t know, does any of this resonate with any of you? Feel free to comment below or reach out via email.
But why Blog?
Great question.
So while thinking about all the above things I wanted to change, this blog, in itself, is a direct challenge to both leaving the house and setting a routine. I had the idea, that since I’m not currently doing anything (meaningful) with my time, have little chance of meeting new people as it is, and barely leave the house. That setting a routine of going out on Saturdays. Sitting in a coffee shop. And reading for an hour or two would be nice.
But how would I stick to it?
I’m notorious for having an idea, starting it, and then it fades away. Given the time of year, much like many people and their “New year’s resolutions”
Giving myself the task of writing a weekly blog entry, really aims to give me direct feedback on following the routine. If I can show myself that then sticking to the aim of losing weight, being more active, and getting out of the house are just other routines. Right?
And if I’m needing to find content to write about each week, not only do I have to actually do something with my time, but I also have to recognise the fact I’m doing something.
So what is this blog?
Well, I’m sure this will evolve over time, but right now the idea is that it’s a public Journal, a chronicle of identifying not necessarily what changed, but what’s next, finding new friends as an adult, and setting up new structures for myself.
If I’m not sure who I am and what I want for myself at 30(2) can I make sure I do by the time I'm 40?